Dane Cook

You know you're in the wrong relationship with someone when four months into it, just out of the blue, you just look at that person and think "I wish you would shallow a knife! I wish you would go for a glass of crystal light but by mistake they would drink a knife"
I love how some of you are looking at me and saying, "That's very unrealistic Dane, you could never drink a knife. It can't happen, Crystal Light is a clear container, Dane, you would see a knife inside which would make you stop and say, I shouldn't drink that, that's not a delicious beverage that's a knife. And even if you got to the point of pouring it, you would hear a knife like sound in the glass like cling cling cling cling cling which would make you stop and go, Oh my God, I almost drank a knife! I shouldn't drink that, I have to put that over here."